Posts Tagged ‘autism’

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What can we learn from “House” about autism?

April 4, 2010

The character “House” on the TV show of the same name is unbelievably arrogant, rude, and ultimately, usually right.  But he doesn’t get to be right immediately. He and his team often find correct answers after brainstorming.

“Listen, I don’t care if it makes sense.  Just give me something,” he tells his team of doctors.

Many people don’t understand the purpose of brainstorming.  You mention “a,” it leads to “b,” and then “c,” and the right answer, “d” appears.  The answer wouldn’t have presented itself without “a,” “b,” and “c” first, even if those first three ideas wouldn’t work.

Some people — most people? — shoot down ideas even before the sentence is finished.

This concept isn’t really specific to autism.  It could be about almost any subject.  But in the case of autism, many teachers, therapists, and parents are stuck in their ways, unwilling to try anything new.

Apparently the results have been so good that it’s necessary to do the same things over and over without trying anything new.

One time I came home after working with a child, took a nap and then woke up with an idea, hastily emailing the parent, who was horrified at the idea that I would propose making a deal with a school in exchange for care for the student.  The thing is, it probably would have worked.  Or at least it might have led to a discussion that could have opened some doors.

Thirty-five years ago, people still thought autism was due to the “coldness of the mother.”  If you automatically go with the current conventional thinking, you might just be wrong and behind the times.

“People get the wrong impression about scientists in that they think in an orderly, rigid way from step one to step two to step three,” said Paul Steinhardt in the Science Channels’ “Parallel Universe.”

“What really happens, is often you make some imaginative leap which, at the time, may seem nonsensical.   When you capture the field at those stages, it looks like poetry in which you are imagining without yet proving.”

Whatever that means, I’m for that type of thinking.  People used to think it was crazy that the world wasn’t flat.

We’ve been told forever that there’s no life in our solar system besides that which is on Earth.  But there’s a good chance that there’s life on Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons, under the ice.  There’s a lot more life than previously thought underneath the ice in Antarctica.

If “thinking out of the box” wasn’t such a cliche, I’d use it.

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Fathers’ Daze

January 22, 2010

Looking back again at my blog from last year, “Lessons Learned from Autism Therapy,” I found a paragraph that I want to reprint.

Dads:  some of you have graduate degrees from Ivy League universities.  That’s nice.  Now could you possibly consider making some suggestions about your children’s programs?  You can’t even make any suggestions or any input about your child’s program?  Let me get this straight – you’re intimidated by someone half your age who has a couple years experience with kids?  You’d rather just hand over the money and not even know what is going on?

The fathers of kids who I currently work with are great.  In fact, one of them is very involved with the child’s home program despite the fact that he has a very important job.

But to be honest, most – definitely more than half – of all the children who I’ve worked with, have fathers who were virtually invisible when it came to helping out with their home program (the afterschool and weekend program in which kids get additional support in doing schoolwork, learning social skills, and preferably also sports and coordination).

We’re talking about guys who, for the most part, went to Ivy League universities or very good ones, usually have graduate degrees, and make huge salaries because of their competency on the job.  At these jobs, they surely have to work hard and pay attention to detail, and maybe even use creative thinking to solve problems.  They must have to work with people.  So why can’t these guys pay any attention whatsoever to their children’s educations?

It’s as if we’re living back in the 1950s.  The mother does 100% of the work for the child.  The father goes out to his job.

The mothers make the schedule, do the hiring, make suggestions, and are basically involved.  Sometimes they have regular jobs too.

I know that you guys pore through lots of detail at work, and you are also part of many meetings there.  Couldn’t you attend a meeting about your child and maybe contribute something – anything?  Try to put just one tenth of the effort into your child’s education – not just giving money but giving time and ideas – that you give to your job.

Separation of Duties may be a good concept for computer security, but in raising kids there will be overlap between functions.  Maybe you do some behind the scenes stuff with your kids and that’s great.  And I’m not trying to minimize the importance of performing well at a job to earn a good salary.  That’s extremely important and it results in a major contribution to the child’s success because without that, many services wouldn’t be available.

But make an appearance, show that you care — start by pretending to care — and put in some kind of minimal effort at helping your child be successful.  Review what is going on.  Say, “I want more of this and less of this.”  Ask questions.  Give your opinion.

I don’t know if you’re afraid, or if you lack confidence, or if you don’t care, but you need to make a contribution other than just working and writing checks.  Maybe you don’t have the social skills and the autism is partly genetic, but at least you could try.  Think about the number of hours you put into your job.  Now think of the number of hours you put into reviewing the content and curriculum of your child’s home program as well as the progress that he has made.  I’m guessing the ratio is about 40 to 1, and that’s only for the exceptional fathers who put in an effort.  Think of how much you could accomplish if you contributed.  Not a sermon, just a thought.

So as they say on ESPN’s NFL Countdown, C’MON, MAN!

***

A day after I wrote this, I now have reread it just to make sure I still stand by everything.  It does need one change.  I’m adding an apostrophe in the title.

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Monsters, Inc.

January 22, 2010

Last August 22, I wrote a blog describing some lessons learned from autism therapy (2009/08/22/lessons-learned-from-autism-therapy/).  I listed ten common mistakes people make and I include one of them below:

Making the child the “King of the Household.”

A child has a disability, so parents feel sorry for him, letting him get away with bad behavior, and excusing him from acting appropriately.  Congratulations.  You are on your way to creating a monster who becomes the King of the Household.  You might as well start fitting the crown and the throne now.  On the bright side, everyone knows who rules the place.

The point is that people with disabilities, whether they are children or adults, whether their disabilities are physical, cognitive, psychiatric or developmental, should not be pitied.  Unfortunately, many people instinctively pity people with disabilities, treating them differently and letting them get away with anything, to the point that those people with disabilities consciously or unconsciously take advantage of the situation.  Of course people should have reasonable accommodations, or modifications to help them be successful.

What I’m about to say may seem extreme, but I strongly believe it.  If you have the choice of making fun of a person with a disability or pitying him, you should definitely make fun of him.  That’s right – given the choice of ridiculing people with disabilities and pitying them, you should definitely ridicule them.

Of course you’d never be faced with the situation of having to make a choice between pitying someone and making fun of him or her.  But I’m trying to illustrate a point.  I’m not advocating making fun of anyone with a disability.  Of course it’s a bad idea to make fun of anyone.  I’m just making the point that pitying someone with a disability is even worse, because then you’re not holding the person to high standards, for accomplishments or behavior or anything else.  You’re giving them too much slack, and they realize it, and if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.

Here’s another way to explain it.  Let’s use a person with a physical disability as an example.  Most people would look at a guy in a wheelchair and pity him.  However, studies have shown that people with disabilities are about as happy as those without disabilities.  They can also be jerks, and if you don’t believe it, then you’re not treating everyone fairly.  There are people who would say, “How can someone in a wheelchair be a jerk?  They’ve gone through so much – it must be so hard for them – it’s understandable for them to be a little rude.  Cut them some slack.”

But that’s exactly the wrong attitude.  That’s patronizing.  So when children grow up with disabilities and you excuse them for all sorts of behavior, as I said in my blog, you’re creating monsters.  And at some point, there’s no turning back.

A perfect example of this is Eric the Midget from the Howard Stern show.  Eric, 34, has Dwarfism, Nevus flammeus nuchae, and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.  He’s 3 foot 5 and in a wheelchair.  And he’s a completely arrogant jerk.  He never does anything for other people.

It’s a little more complicated for kids with autism, especially if it’s severe, because certain behaviors are often accommodations for the way they experience the world, they can have a hard time handling emotions, and they can be very slow in learning social skills.  I understand that.  From 2007 – http://www.coachmike.net/autism-faq.php#14_rtn:

How do you teach empathy to a child with autism?

It is well known that many children with autism have problems with regulating their emotions. What isn’t as well known is that many children with autism do feel emotions strongly. However, they just don’t have the ability to understand, regulate or express emotions as well as typically developing children. This is all the more reason to work on it. For example, if a tennis player has a backhand that is the least effective part of his or her game, you work on that skill because it’s the one that is needed most – you don’t ignore it because it’s the worst shot.

In other words, if someone is weak at something, you don’t say, “Johnny doesn’t understand how to play, so he can’t do playdates.”  That’s the exact reason that such a child should do playdates – to work on a weakness and make it better.

So you work on those skills.  You don’t use their weaknesses as excuses and then allow the children to scream and then get whatever they want as a result.  That’s rewarding bad behavior.  You wouldn’t let your typical child get away with saying he doesn’t want to learn math, so you shouldn’t let your autistic child do the same thing.

Speaking of parents of kids with disabilities, I’ve noticed that a lot of people sometimes cut parents a little too much slack as well.  It’s ok to say, “It must be so hard to be a parent of a child with autism,” and understand where they’re coming from.  That’s true, but it’s a fine line – I believe some parents will use that inch you give them and turn it into a mile, and frankly, behave badly and inappropriately, as if any of their actions can be justified just because they have a child with autism.

For example, I once witnessed a situation in which a therapist worked for a family for almost a year, doing excellent work.  The therapist recommended an additional person to come in to help teach the child and before long, the new person was there and the person who did the recommending was out.  That kind of reckless, short-term thinking on the part of the parents can’t be good for the child, not to mention the unethical implications.

This might be a good time for me to mention another one from the infamous top ten at (2009/08/22/lessons-learned-from-autism-therapy/).

Therapists are shuffled in and out and there is a lack of continuity.

In some cases, by the time a child is 10, he has been to several different schools, had several different home programs, and had turnover within each program so he has worked with more than 50 teachers and therapists.  It is not good for children to get attached to therapists and then have them taken away from them, because it teaches children that people are dispensable and interchangeable.  It’s also not good for the children psychologically to have people constantly shuffled in and out and taken away from them because they may develop problems in the future related to that.

If you want to hire a handyman to fix your windows, and then a different handyman to do some other jobs around your house, fine.  Every once in a while I hire someone from craigslist to clean my apartment, and it’s rarely the same person.  But it’s different for people who work with kids.  The relationship is important.  By making constant changes you’re teaching your child that people will leave them and you’re implying that your child is just a robot, not a thinking, feeling human being.

The relationship is crucial to learning, though it is intangible and not easily quantifiable.  I know a child with moderately severe autism who remembers people from when he was two years old.  Because I hear the details of those memories every time I see that child.

I’m not being globally critical of parents, I’m just telling it like it is, which is my philosophy.  In fact, three years ago on http://www.coachmike.net/autism-faq.php#7 I wrote that parents know more about autism than anyone else:

Who are the foremost experts on autism?

Parents are the greatest experts on autism. Everyone else is second. This includes, alphabetically: ABA Therapists, DIR Therapists, Occupational Therapists, Medical Doctors, Physical Therapists, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Scientists, Social Workers, Speech Therapists and others. Parents know more about autism than anyone else and they should be respected by doctors and other professionals accordingly.

So to sum up, you should never pity people with disabilities.  You should hold them to a high standard and have high expectations of them so that they are held accountable.  Understand that they can be jerks.  Again, I use the example of an adult rather than a child, and someone with a physical disability rather than a developmental one to avoid confusion.  But if you don’t realize that people with disabilities can be jackasses then you’re not treating them fairly, or equal with other people.

The same idea applies for children with autism, it’s just that there is a fine line – you have to understand the reasons why they do the things they do, but you also have to understand that they are very capable of learning and shouldn’t get a free pass to do anything because of their disabilities.  The children should not rule the household.  They should be held to a high standard and learn appropriate social skills.

Finally, parents of children with autism or other disabilities shouldn’t be given a free pass to behave inappropriately or recklessly just because they have a tough situation.  They should be held to high standards as well.

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The Medici Effect

December 23, 2009

I sell used books.  One of them attracted my attention because of an unusually realistic-looking bug on the cover.  I thought I’d use it as a prop for one of the kids I work with who has autism.  I would pretend that the bug was biting me and then pretend to step on it.  Joking with kids with autism, especially that slapstick kind of humor, has many benefits including enabling them to learn through imaginative play as well as to think abstractly instead of literally.  Plus it’s fun.

Anyway, I decided to read the book. Turns out Franz Johansson was preaching to the choir.  I wrote some related ideas in September (2009/08/22/the-age-of-specialization/).  My thoughts then were that the world had become too specialized – that people stay in their comfort zones and don’t venture out, but that there are a lot of gains to be made from branching out.  Though most people specialize in a narrow topic, the world is also interconnected more than ever.

The Medici Effect got its name from the Medici banking family in 15th century Florence, Italy.  The Medicis funded creativity from a wide variety of occupations.  There was an unusual amount of creativity – sculptors, scientists, poets, philosophers, financiers, painters, and architects.  They broke down barriers between disciplines and cultures and learned from each other.  This became known as the Renaissance.  The idea is that intersections of different disciplines or ideas come together to create new methods of doing things.

Brainstorming can yield great results if an atmosphere of openness is encouraged.  I’d rather have one great idea and five bad ones than no ideas at all.  Too often, people say, “No, we can’t do that,” without even thinking about it, not realizing that one idea might lead to another, or that having ideas that don’t work are necessary in order to have ideas that work.  People pass judgment on ideas too quickly.  I’ve even attended meetings in which the leader is more concerned with keeping power than fostering innovative ideas.

It’s important to have a culture in which creative ideas are accepted.  If you are afraid to bring them up, you will continue to get the same results you’ve always gotten.  People are often afraid of change to the point where they would rather continue what they are doing though it might be largely ineffective, than to try something new and risk a loss but gain the potential for something great.

When jobs become too specialized, people are afraid of trying something new because consistency and conformity are rewarded, but they also lead to complacency.  Instead, shaking your mind free from pre-conceived notions leads to great gains.  Unique insights can be gained when people perform different occupations and exchange ideas.

I’ve always bristled at the notion that a person is what they do.  Ten years ago I wore a tie to work every day.  Now I not only always wear sweatpants and sweatshirts, but I usually wear the same ones every day.  People look at my resume and say, “Oh, you’re an IT (Information Technology) person.”  I was anything but that.  You could have taken a dart and thrown it at any one of 20 topics, and I could have written about any of them, most of them probably better than I did about IT, though I was still the best at what I did, and could walk into any institute at NIH tomorrow, blindfolded, having had a few beers, and with no training on the topic write better than anyone else there.  If I had written about animals, I guess they would have said, “You’re an animal person.”  The ability to change careers is a good thing, not a bad thing.  I guess some people have such tunnel vision that they see themselves doing only one thing so that’s the way they perceive others as well.

Ironically, a network of like-minded people can create obstacles because they all think the same.  Creativity lies in taking risks.  Comfort and security are tempting but become boring.  Challenge yourself and don’t take the easy way out.  Be open to new ideas, even if they seem to be unconventional at first.

I like the brainstorming philosophy but I’ve been burned by trying it in an overly conservative atmosphere.  Once I was working at a school for disabled children.  I thought I could use my 10 years of experience by having a little bit of freedom to try new ideas – by adding some spontaneity to the structure.  The principal wanted a “drill sergeant,” though, which I believe doesn’t always work for children with autism.  Anyway, I had a solution that would have resulted in the kids learning more than they otherwise would have, the principal would’ve been happy, and the parent of a child trying to get into the school would’ve been happy because her child would have gotten a much better education than he otherwise would have by having a certain one on one instructor.  The idea was too out of the box, though, so everybody gets what they had before instead of the potential for spectacular results.

Do not be afraid of change.  Embrace unpredictability.

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Progress of Children with Autism

December 23, 2009

How much can children with autism learn?  It’s a question I get a lot, as a person who provides therapy to kids with autism to improve their academic, social, and athletic skills.  The answer is that all children with autism can learn.  Some make amazing progress; for others the progress is much slower.

I’m listing below a couple of examples of students who have made excellent progress in all areas.  They are an eight-year old boy and a seven-year old boy I worked with who both made amazing progress in a short period of time.  (The greatest example of improvement that I am aware of is a teenage boy who I have been working with for five years.  I’m going to compile a before and after list of skills and behaviors.  This kind of progress is truly inspiring for parents who have young children who are worried about what the future holds).

It’s always the child himself or herself who deserves the most credit for learning.  The parents, of course, also play a huge role.  Other than that, it’s a team effort, with teachers and home therapists making contributions to the child’s success.

Experience has shown that children learn best when subjects are integrated, rather than splitting them up into different areas.  I believe that in the future, a typical session will be run like this:  one-third academics and cognitive skills, one-third social skills and functional life skills, and one-third sports, exercise, and motor skills.

Each area builds on the others and makes all learning more effective so that the child can use skills in a natural environment.  Pathways in the brain are developed to work in conjunction with each other, not in separate areas.  Interventions should be meaningful to the child, rather than just memorizing information.  Kids aren’t robots and neither are the people who work with them.  It’s not the number of hours that are spent learning.  It’s how efficient those hours are.

Area Progress for a high functioning 8-year old boy with autism during a 7-month period
Math Improved ability in:

  • place value
  • addition, subtraction and early multiplication
    • addition:  he improved from mastering sums of 9 to sums of 14
    • subtraction:  he improved from mastering 5 –x to 12 – x
    • multiplication:  he improved from nothing to up to mastering 3 x 4
    • Expanded notation
    • Word problems – he was terrible at them at the start, and by June he had mastered several different types.  He learned to draw to find answers to problems.
    • Learned the basics of fractions
    • Addition carrying the one
    • Counting mixed coins
    • Skip counting
    • measuring
English
  • Learned how to do opposites
  • Improved reading comprehension (I had time to work on this with him 20 min. a week.  The other company had 20 hours a week.  He would have made more improvements with me with the same amount of time).
  • Improved on capitalization.
  • Improved on spelling.
Maps Improved ability to find spots on the map.  Learned directions better than before.  Learned most of the states, which he didn’t have before.
Time Improved ability to tell time by counting by 5’s on clock.
Sports
  • The neighborhood kids respect him a lot more now than before because he can play sports a lot better and can handle his emotions better.
  • He had major tantrums at the start but improved a lot.  Showed him how he looks through video, helping him see how others see him.
  • He became very competitive, really wanting to win.  At the start he didn’t care if he won.
  • He learned to play defense where his role was to stop the other team so he became less reliant on needing to score to be happy.
  • He understood the rules much better in soccer, hockey and basketball, than before and he improved in his knowledge of football and baseball though he still has a long way to go.
  • He became interested in local pro sports after reading about them on the web and going to the Freedom game.
  • Learned not to run into the street after the ball.
  • Ice skating – though he can’t glide, the first time he fell 100 times, the most recent time he fell less than 10 times.
  • We did exercises based in yoga, relaxation, and balance to help him focus.
  • Most of the sports we did happened from April through June – we accomplished most of this in three months.
Emotions
  • He learned that mistakes help you learn.
  • He can self-regulate better by taking deep breaths, counting, exercising, or talking about it.  This is a very important skill to have.  One that many kids cannot master.
Strangers
  • He knows he can’t sit in the lap of anyone except his parents.
  • He still has a long way to go but has learned that you can’t say hi to adults who you don’t know.
Pretend and Abstract Play Improved spontaneity, imagination, and creativity by using jokes and pretend stories.  He improved his ability to make up stories and use symbolic play.
Games Improved ability to sit down and play scrabble.  He had a terrible temper at first but now can play an entire game somewhat independently.  Improved spelling through scrabble.  Introduced other games.
Social skills
  • Improved social skills through play dates.
  • Talked about bullying
Overall He had his best session ever on 9/21.  We had a lot of momentum and things were only going to get better.

Area Progress for 7-year old boy with autism with severe developmental delays including language
Overall He has made a lot of progress.  I have only been working regularly with him doing two-hour sessions for 3 months.  Before then we did 1.5 hours sessions sporadically.
Books He is able to sit for 15 minutes at a time reading books with me and is interested in looking at books (colors, foods) by himself.  Before he would not sit still at all.  He can now read different books with help, looking at words instead of just pictures.  Once we read 7 books back to back.
Flashcards Here are words he has mastered from my flashcards or bean bags.  They were not on the Verbal Behavior Team’s list of words he’s mastered (I realize he may have known a few of these before, especially the foods) – desk, table, chair, TV, fridge, wall, door, sink, soap, mirror, stairs; crackers, chips, salsa, nuts, onion, goldfish, beans, taco, broccoli, cheese, carrots; triangle, rectangle, square, oval, circle; three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten; Mom, Dad, his name, his sister’s name; sleepy, (he hasn’t learned sad, mad, happy, or sick, but I’ve made those flashcards because they are very important).

I also reinforced many of the words from the VBA team’s list by having him review flashcards.

Though he can read the words “Mommy,” “Daddy,” etc., he’s having trouble associating them with the pics on the flashcards, showing how important it was to make those flashcards.
Typing He wouldn’t do it at all at the start.  Now he has no problem sitting for 15 min. The work paid off as he knows where the keys are now.  Typing has helped him read his name and understand that the answer to how old he is is 7.  It has helped him learn to read Mommy, Daddy, his sister’s name and his name.  He has taken my finger and guided me to the letters before, showing joint attention, which is crucial to learning. Typing is NOT meant as an alternative method of communication for him, but it will help him spell and read words, then phrases, then sentences, and will ultimately help him speak better because he will understand language more.  Typing is one way to help kids generalize language – to learn words in several different ways rather than just reading sight words.  It also helps with fine motor skills.
Intraverbals In Aug. he mastered saying his name and 7 in response to “What’s your name?” and “How old are you?” but he lost them because of confusion with what VBA program has done.
Soccer He can kick back and forth on the grass. He can dribble the length of the field and then kick it hard into the net.  He can kick it into the goal over and over.  During the last two sessions I had him kicking back and forth with his brother, which is a huge milestone socially.
Basketball He can now shoot from several feet away rather than just dunk.
Trampoline He can play catch while jumping, kick the ball back and forth while on the trampoline, and stop and do imitative exercises, which he could not do before.
Imaginative and Pretend play He has a much stronger interest in stuffed animals now.  At first he had no interest.  Then he would smile and laugh and say “frog” or “bug.”This is very important to learn how to play and think abstractly.
Oral Motor He learned to imitate by using his tongue and lips.  In June he was able to blow bubbles but before he couldn’t.
Handwriting He is getting better at tracing numbers and letters.  Before he couldn’t do it at all.  He can’t do it independently but he in some cases is doing part of it himself.  He shows more interest in it.
Math He is very interested in counting though he loses track/needs help after about 15.  He has started addition.  His attention span has increased during math.
Numbers and shapes He has completely mastered numbers 1-10 and shapes with beanbags.  Determined he may be partly color-blind.
Spelling Spellmaster – He has chosen the right tiles to spell certain words. Using different ways to read is helping generalize (flashcards, books, typing, spellmaster, etc.)
Other He has been very engaged, with lots of two way interaction.  The rapport we have is very important to learning because kids will learn more when they are motivated and having fun.  He shows a lot of joint attention: Joint attention refers to the propensity of a child to engage another’s attention to share enjoyment of objects or events. Children display joint attention skills by initiating bids to others to pay attention to what they are attending to and by following the line of visual regard and point gestures of a social partner (Mundy & Thorp). Thus, children both initiate and respond to joint attention bids.

Joint attention behaviors represent a critical area in typical development. Joint attention skills have been found to be concurrently related to receptive and expressive language skills among typically-developing children. In addition, research indicates that joint attention is important for the development of a host of other, later-emerging, skills, such as more complex expressive language, symbolic play, and theory of mind.

Initiating joint attention, shared engagement, two-way interaction, connecting on an emotional level is how kids learn – this isn’t just from Greenspan but this is well known – this is taught at Johns Hopkins – and the relationship a child has with the therapist is very important to learning.  His words are very emphatic after we do something he enjoys.  He shows a lot of enthusiasm, also helpful to learning.  He has the ability to go with the flow.  These are all elements of RDI that he has shown for the past four months.  We have been doing RDI type games in a natural environment already.  He has not cried significantly with me since 6/21.

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Helping Kids (Autistic or Typical) Regulate Emotions

December 21, 2009

Here are some strategies that are good to teach children to handle their emotions.  These can work for kids with autism, who have a hard time regulating emotions, as well as for neurotypical children.

1.  Validate their feelings.  Don’t diminish what they say by saying they should not be upset.  Tell them you understand they are upset and that it’s normal to be upset.  Identify with them by saying that everybody feels badly sometimes – even adults.

2.  Give them strategies to self-regulate their emotions.  Examples include having them:

  • Take deep breaths.  Have them breathe into their hands or use a windmill or a leaf.
  • Count to 10 or 20.
  • Talk about it with a parent, teacher, or peer.
  • Exercise

3.  Use a video camera to tape them complaining about doing an activity and also tape them acting appropriately.  Show them both versions so they can understand how others perceive them (theory of mind).

By the way, if anyone has any other ideas, feel free to contact me (contact information is at http://www.coachmike.net).

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Using Disrespect for Motivation

December 2, 2009

A couple of months ago I wrote a blog called “Using Disrespect to Motivate Yourself and Prove People Wrong.”

I decided to reprint some of it now.  You see it in sports all the time.  When you’re disrespected it gives you extra incentive to not only prove your doubters wrong, but to beat them if it’s in the sports world, or if outside of the sports world then at least to show them that they made the wrong decision.

You see, you take a personal slight, get upset about it, make it bigger than it is, and then actually relish the fact that someone disrespected you.  It takes on a life of its own – you never, ever forget – and then you do some truly great – even transcendent – things afterwards, partly because of the extra motivation.  You may say that you shouldn’t need that extra motivation, but it is what it is, and you should do whatever works for you.

I was reminded of this lately because of the recent situations involving Michael Jordan and Brett Favre, not to mention countless games in which underdogs beat favorites, and I’ve even had a few situations myself for which the concept applies.

I’ll start with me and then get to the more interesting stuff.

Three years ago I wrote about why I like working with kids with autism under my first FAQ at http://www.coachmike.net/autism-faq.php:

“I’ve always loved sports, and I root for the underdog. Anybody who has played sports or been a sports fan knows that when someone says you can’t do something, you love to prove them wrong. I prefer working with the kids who have the most severe disabilities because I love the challenge. One of the things I like most about working with kids with autism is the amount of progress that they have the potential to make.”

In the past five years, I’ve worked with a lot of children and several adults with autism.  I have never had a situation that didn’t work out well.  But sometimes schedules change. I was working on sports skills with a five-year old child once.  When he started kindergarten he had less free time so I had to stop after about eight months.  Sports was the first thing to get cut because of the “schedule.”  I could have (perhaps should have?) – said that that made sense.  But I took it personally.

I use things like that for extra motivation and can honestly say that the kids who I work with make great progress in all areas.  I believe that with all my heart, and I will do anything to make it so.  I can assure you that any kids who I work with will end up being more successful in all areas (and I usually break the areas down into 1) academics, cognitive skills and communication skills; 2) social skills, playdates, and emotional awareness and management; and 3) sports, exercise, and motors skills).

Anyway, now onto Michael Jordan.  His speech at the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame induction ceremony in September was considered controversial because he mentioned several times during which he felt slighted and he used those incidents for extra motivation.  Jordan was famous for that.

In 1993, LaBradford Smith of the Washington Bullets (yes, the Bullets – here’s hoping new owner Ted Leonsis will change the name back and change back to the old red white and blue uniforms too) scored 37 points against Jordan and the Bulls and supposedly said, “Nice game, Mike.”  Jordan vowed to score 37 points against the Bullets the next game by halftime and he scored 36 by the half, 47 in all in just 31 minutes.

Great story, but it never happened.  At least the part about Smith taunting Jordan.

The funny thing is that Jordan admitted later that Smith never taunted him, but he just made the story up to give him extra motivation.  Here are some highlights from the game in which Jordan got his revenge: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdDb32m2EsM.

Jordan didn’t mention that incident during his Hall of Fame induction ceremony, but he did mention the following, and I borrow from Brian Mahoney’s article from the Associated Press:

  • The coach who cut him from the varsity as a North Carolina schoolboy.

“I wanted to make sure you understood: You made a mistake, dude.”

  • Isiah Thomas, who allegedly orchestrated a “freezeout” of Jordan in his first All-Star game.

“I wanted to prove to you, Magic (Johnson), Larry (Bird), George (Gervin), everybody that I deserved (to be there) just as much as anybody else, and I hope over the period of my career I’ve done that without a doubt.”

  • Knicks coach Jeff Van Gundy – Jordan called him Pat Riley’s “little guy” – who accused Jordan of “conning” players by acting friendly toward them, then attacking them in games.

“I just so happen to be a friendly guy. I get along with everybody, but at the same time, when the light comes on, I’m as competitive as anybody you know.”

  • The media who said Jordan, though a great player, would never win like Bird or Johnson.

“I had to listen to all that, and that put so much wood on that fire that it kept me each and every day trying to get better as a basketball player.”

  • Lastly, Utah’s Bryon Russell. Jordan recalled meeting Russell while he was retired and playing minor league baseball in 1994 – and with Sloan looking on in horror – told of how Russell insisted he could have covered him if Jordan was still playing. Russell later got two cracks at Jordan in the NBA finals, and he was the defender when Jordan hit the clinching shot to win the 1998 title.

“From this day forward, if I ever see him in shorts, I’m coming at him.”

Brett Favre is another example of someone who tries to prove somebody wrong.  Now let me first say that I’m not a Brett Favre fan.  I think he’s been overrated throughout his career because his tendency to throw too many interceptions hurt his team almost as much as his abilities helped him.  Also, he was very wishy-washy the last several years about whether to retire or continue to play quarterback for the Green Bay Packers.

In fact, a couple of years ago he said his heart wasn’t in the game.  I still think the Packers made the right choice by keeping Aaron Rodgers instead of Favre.  By the time Favre wanted to come back, Green Bay had made other plans.  But having said all that, Favre is having an unbelievable season.  True, he has a great running back and an excellent defense, but Favre has 24 touchdown passes and just three inteceptions, and the Vikings are 11-1.

The thing is, Favre wanted to play for the Vikings, one of the Packers’ most hated rivals last year but he had to go to the New York Jets instead.  This year he got his wish, and you have to give him credit – the Vikings beat the Packers twice this year.  Part of Favre’s motivation is to say, “I told you so,” to the Packers and to make the Packers regret their decision.  I don’t think it’s healthy to use revenge as a motivational tool, but maybe a little bit of “I told you so” or “I’ve proven you wrong” is healthy.

Now, this isn’t the stuff of MJ legend, but when I tried out for the junior high school tennis team in ninth grade, I was cut from the team.  I made the team the next year in high school, and during my junior and senior seasons I had a combined record of 23 wins and eight losses playing at number one doubles.  Then I lettered for four years at Division III Ohio Wesleyan University, albeit a small university.  I never forgot that the “coach” wrongly cut me in ninth grade and put other players on the team ahead of me whom I was much better than.

Then in 2000, after not playing competitively for a decade, I signed up to play in a 4.0-level tennis league.  They told me I would play the first match and then I showed up and they said I wasn’t going to play the first match – I would have to watch.  So I went home, cancelled the check, and looked for a 4.5-level (higher level) league.  I found one and won six of the eight matches I played in doubles.  The local tennis board had to rule on whether to let me play after cancelling the check and writing a new one.  Luckily, they let me play.

Anytime somebody tells you you can’t do something or doubts you, you hate it.  You hate it so much, but then you savor it.  Because it gives you extra motivation.  You never, ever forget it, and then you use it to achieve something great.

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Posted in Autism, Disabilities, Michael, Magic, Larry, and Dr. J, NBA, NFL, other stuff, Quarterbacks | Leave a Comment »

Autism: What Works and Why

November 1, 2009

I was pleased to see that the theme for the upcoming annual Interdisciplinary Council on Learning Disorders (ICDL) Conference is “Autism:  What Works and Why.”  I’ve been to too many government meetings on autism that focus on the size of the amygdala or genetic components rather than treatments, therapies, and services for children and adults with autism.  The ICDL does an excellent job of working to help improve the lives of children with autism.  I’ll be attending the three-day conference from November 6-8 for the third straight year.

Dr. Stanley Greenspan is the author of the book “Engaging Autism” and the founder of the Developmental, Individual Differences, Relationship-based (DIR) model of autism therapy.

The DIR model aims to improve social, emotional, and intellectual abilities in a way that is meaningful for the child rather than focusing on isolated skills and behaviors.  I wrote about the DIR model three years ago on my website, www.coachmike.net:

The DIR method focuses on the emotional development of the child. It takes into account the child’s feelings, relationships, and individual differences. DIR is based on following the child’s lead and enables the child to learn by doing what he or she likes to do in a fun and meaningful way that resonates most with the child. DIR focuses on the child’s skills in all developmental areas, including social-emotional functioning, communication, thinking and learning, motor skills, body awareness and attention. The DIR method can also help a child generalize skills initially learned through drills.

There are imitators who switch the DIR letters around, but DIR is the original.  I picked up Greenspan’s “Engaging Autism” again recently and looked at a few of the parts I underlined.  Here are a few of them that are certainly worth repeating:

  • We now understand that the lines of early development are interrelated.  Rather than assessing language skills, motor skills, and social-emotional skills separately, we should look at how well these abilities are integrated, how they work together as a whole.
  • Emotion always comes before behavior.  The child needs to enjoy relationships with parents, peers, and teachers in order to learn. Emotion is critical to brain development.
  • We always recommend that kids have at least four playdates a week, so that their main source of companionship begins shifting from parents to peers…Mommy is still important for security, warmth, and problem solving, but not for going out and riding bikes together.
  • We have never worked with a child or adult who didn’t have a desire to relate to others.

Other than the courses I took at Johns Hopkins University in its Graduate Certificate program in Autism and other Pervasive Developmental Disorders, the ICDL training is just about the best that I’ve experienced.

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Used Books for sale on Amazon.com

October 20, 2009

I have some books for sale on my amazon.com site at http://www.amazon.com/shops/mikeneedsakidneydotcom.  Most people are familiar with buying used books on amazon.  For any particular book, you can find a certain number of used copies for sale listed by price.  So for example when you search on “A Farewell to Arms” by Ernest Hemingway, the audiocassette version, this comes up:  “2 new from $100.39, 15 used from $5.45.”  So the cheapest one is $5.45.  I always list mine as the cheapest, with the exception that I won’t go below $4.50.  Sellers constantly lower prices by a penny at a time so at any one time there may be a book that is slightly cheaper than mine, but for the most part I make sure that my books are the cheapest ones you can buy.  I have a lot of books on art, history, and fiction, and they include hardbacks, paperbacks, and books on tape (cd or cassette).

Here’s a list of some of them:

  • Call of the Wild by Jack London (audio book)
  • A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway (audio cassette)
  • Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
  • Antietam (Audio CD) by James Reasoner
  • As I Am: Abba Before & Beyond by Agnetha Faltskog
  • AWESOMISM!: A New Way to Understand the Diagnosis of Autism by Suzy Miller
  • Bigfoot: The Life and Times of a Legend by Joshua Blu Buhs
  • Freedom Congress (Audio CD) by L. Ron Hubbard
  • FRENCH ART OF THE 18TH CENTURY by Abert Gilou
  • Mark Twain: A Life (audio CD) by Ron Powers
  • Mix with love: Cookbook for dogs by Maddelena Herbig
  • Modern Jewish history: A source reader by Robert Chazan
  • NEW ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES #25 (Audio Cassette) by Anthony Boucher
  • Pt 109: John F. Kennedy in World War II
  • The Great Gatsby CD (Audio CD) by F Scott Fitzgerald
  • The Hidden Power of Social Networks: Understanding How Work Really Gets Done in Organizations, by Robert L. Cross
  • The Manchurian Candidate (Audio CD) by Richard Condon
  • The Perfect Storm (Audio CD)
  • The Republican Noise Machine: Right-Wing Media and How it Corrupts Democracy (Audio Cassette) by David Brock
  • The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God’s Laws in Everyday Life (Audio CD) by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and Rabbi Stewart Vogel
  • The Two Dragons of Dim Mak: Pressure Point Techniques for Healing & Martial Arts (Paperback) by Dr. Pier Tsui-Po
  • Writer’s Guide to Book Editors, Publishers, and Literary Agents: Who They Are! What They Want! and How to Win Them Over! (13th Edition) by Jeff Herman
  • Wolverine Vol. 3: Return of the Native by Greg Rucka
  • Your Sixth Sense: Activating Your Psychic Potential (Audio Cassette) by Belleruth Naparstek
  • X-Men: The Complete Age of Apocalypse Epic, Book 3 (Bk. 3) by Warren Ellis

Once again, the site is http://www.amazon.com/shops/mikeneedsakidneydotcom.  Thanks.

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Using Disrespect to Motivate Yourself and Prove People Wrong

October 5, 2009

In sports, as in life, sometimes when you feel slighted and disrespected, it can give you extra motivation to do well to prove people wrong.

Michael Jordan was famous for it, Brett Favre is going through it now, and I’ve even used it myself for extra incentive.

“It” happens when people underestimate you.

A lot of people were put off by Michael Jordan’s Hall of Fame induction speech last month, when he recounted many instances when people said he wasn’t good enough.  Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he never forgot it, so he became the greatest player of all time.  Writers said he’d never win a championship, so he won six.

In 1993, LaBradford Smith of the Washington Bullets scored 37 points against Jordan and the Bulls and supposedly said, “Nice game, Mike.”  Jordan vowed to score 37 points against the Bullets the next game by halftime and he scored 36 by halftime, 47 in all in just 31 minutes.  The funny thing is that Jordan admitted later that Smith never taunted him, but he just made the story up to give him extra motivation.

Now, just hours before Brett Favre of the Minnesota Vikings takes on his former team, the Green Bay Packers, there’s a lot of talk of revenge.  This is different than the Jordan situation, though.  While the Packers decided to let Favre go a couple of years ago in favor of Aaron Rodgers, it was partly because Favre kept going back and forth and wouldn’t give Green Bay a decision about whether he wanted to come back instead of retire.  When the deadline had passed with Favre deciding to remain retired, the Pack decided to go with Rogers.

Last summer before Favre signed with the New York Jets, it was clear his first choice was to go to Minnesota because they were one of Green Bay’s major rivals.  Favre wanted revenge.  He would like nothing better than to prove the Packers wrong.  But the Packers made the right decision.  Favre broke down at the end of last season, and though he’s having success this year, it’s mainly because he’s on a very good team.  And most football insiders know that Favre takes away as much as he gives, as he has more interceptions than any QB in NFL history (Click on “Quarterbacks” on the right side of the blog to see what I wrote about Favre a year ago).

Still, the idea of proving someone wrong can be very strong, and if you can use it as motivation, more power to you.

You see this most often in sports when an underdog uses disrespect as extra motivation to win.

Three years ago I wrote about why I like working with kids with autism under my first FAQ at http://www.coachmike.net/autism-faq.php:

I’ve always loved sports, and I root for the underdog. Anybody who has played sports or been a sports fan knows that when someone says you can’t do something, you love to prove them wrong. I prefer working with the kids who have the most severe disabilities because I love the challenge. One of the things I like most about working with kids with autism is the amount of progress that they have the potential to make.

I remember a time when an autism therapist asked why multiplication should be taught to a child who would never have a reason to use it.  About a year after that, the child mastered triple digit multiplication.

When I tried out for the junior high school tennis team in ninth grade, I was cut from the team.  I made the team the next year in high school, and during my junior and senior seasons I had a combined record of 23 wins and eight losses in doubles.  Then I lettered for four years at Division III Ohio Wesleyan University, albeit a small university.  I never forgot that the coach wrongly cut me in ninth grade and put other players on the team ahead of me whom I was better than.

Then in 2000, I signed up to play in a 4.0-level tennis league.  They told me I would play the first match and then I showed up and they said I wasn’t going to play the first match – I would have to watch.  So I went home, cancelled the check, and looked for a 4.5-level (higher level) league.  I found one and won six of the eight matches I played in doubles.  Some tennis board had to decide whether to let me play or not after cancelling the check and writing a new one.  Luckily, they did.

I’m not trying to compare Michael Jordan to me, I’m just saying that proving people wrong can be a powerful motivational tool.

How many times has the media counted someone out?  John Elway can’t win a Super Bowl (he won two).  Peyton Manning can’t win the big one (he won a Super Bowl).  Kobe Bryant can’t win an NBA title without Shaq (he did it last year).

Keep giving people motivation.  Keep saying they can’t do something.  But don’t put limitations on anyone.  I just searched on the word “limit” from the “Autism” category of my blog.  It came up three times:

I quoted from the book “Engaging Autism” by Stanley Greenspan:  “Schools tend to be very structured and to put a high priority on compliance and limit setting, rather than on engaging, interacting, problem-solving, and thinking creatively and logically.”

Then, from “Sports for Children with Autism,” which I wrote last summer:

“I never would have thought hockey would be a great sport for kids with autism because of the need to skate and handle a stick simultaneously, but it turns out that it can be great, and it just goes to show that we shouldn’t put limitations on anyone.”

And finally, this:  “A lot of people are familiar with the amazing story of Jason McElwain, an autistic teenager who scored 6 three-point baskets in a game for his high school team a few years ago. This type of success doesn’t happen a lot, but it would never happen if too many limitations are put on children who have autism and other disabilities who want to play sports.”

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Posted in Autism, Disabilities, NBA, NFL, Quarterbacks, Tennis | Leave a Comment »

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